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Just about everyone has experienced a common embarrassment:
You eat something not easily contained on a utensil, then carry
on a conversation for any amount of time; only later to look in
a mirror and realize you have been walking around with remnants
of dessert on your face or that delicious spinach salad in your
teeth. You were not saving it for later, rather are just an occasionally
messy eater. Once the unsightly remnants are discovered, have you
ever wondered just how long it was there and why no one told you?
You may be able to predict who will and won't tell you based on
the gender of the company you keep and just how empathetic the friends
are. If going to lunch before or as part of an important interview
or date, this may be especially important.
Recently, researchers at Emory University took on
the daunting task of unraveling the mystery of seemingly cruel friends.
They exposed themselves to embarrassment and ridicule as they themselves
donned chocolate in the corner of the mouth and approached a variety
of their own friends. Under the guise of finishing a last minute
class assignment, the “messy eating” researchers visited
friends with a questionnaire measuring emotional empathy to test
if empathy was an underlying factor.
When Peter Suedfeld and his colleagues demonstrated that those with
similar beliefs are more likely to help (1972) it still left the
question of why some with similar beliefs simply don't. Few can
argue against helping a friend when so little time and effort are
required. Also, since friends are more likely to help if they will
feel guilty not helping (Birkimer 1993), it is hard to believe that
our friends so often don't tell us. No one could argue that saving
a friend from potential embarrassment is useful and allowing such
embarrassment of a friend would undoubtedly arouse some guilt in
a friend.
Researchers believed notification was contingent on higher levels
of emotional empathy and suspected that gender may create further
divide amongst those who tell and those who do not. Indeed, those
with the highest empathy scores were, in fact, the most likely to
tell researchers there was food on their face. Females were more
likely than males to tell researchers about the food on their face
(1.179 times more likely). Not surprising given the previous results,
males also had lower empathy scores overall.
The association supports the hypothesis that the more
empathetic a person is, the more likely they are to tell you there
is something unsightly on your face. This was true for both males
and females, although females had higher empathy overall. Thus,
those most likely to notify you that there is chocolate in the corner
of your mouth or some spinach in your teeth are your most empathetic
female girl friends. This doesn't bode well for a female on a first
date with a new man or interview with a male boss. It might be best
to keep a napkin and mirror handy.
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